Monthly Archives: March 2011
I’m not social. I’m not. I usually don’t adhere to many social conventions when it comes to greeting or getting to know people. Its not something I’d say that I’m proud of. Its not some torch I carry around, waving it and saying “Hey! This is me! Take it or leave it.”
Got to mention this: Someone just got on the bus and asked the bus driver to drive “a little more smoothly.” Seriously.
Anyway, I’ve grown up in the “country” for the most part and have frequented country areas.
Okay, this also: the afore mentioned person just put on their seatbelt. (This bus has seatbelts.) This is funny now.
Anyway, I’ve driven on country roads most of my life, as well as on city streets and freeways. There is the social convention, on country roads, to wave at a passing car or truck going the other direction. You just do. Its like passing someone in the hall; you say “Hi.”
Well, sometimes I forget to wave. You only have a second and once that…
Dang. The person just said “I’d don’t really feel safe. I don’t know who to talk to.”
…once that second is over you can’t go back…
I just got off the bus. Thank God. I almost wanted to yell out as I got off, “You damn well near killed us!” even though it was no such thing. That kind of thing I feel the need to communicate. Go figure.
…you can’t go back. For a second you make eye contact with some person saying “I see you. Hello.” And I, now feeling like some schmuck, just drive on past, hands on the wheel, with a blank look in my eyes.
This bothers me. I don’t want to appear the city slicken jerk who doesn’t know “how we do thangs ’round here.” I’m not. I just was space’n out. That’s all. Come back, old guy in the ’78 Dodge pickup; I’ll wave. Come back.
I’m sitting with a cup of coffee and wondering what to do. Is there anything to do? What can be done? I’d just like to know. I don’t want to be the subject of other peoples bad decisions. That’s not a realisic wish, I know. The thing that can get to me the most is the feeling like I’m being manipulated. That’s why I don’t watch TV. My anxiety is getting to me. I need a few days in a isolation tank, lead lined.
Yes. It is dark. Daylight savings time is now in effect and I’m riding on a dark bus again and listening to Lemon Jelly. I don’t care really. The light will ebb back into the morning and I’ll hear birds and the like. I hope.
I need the sun. Direct sun. Though I’ve lived in shade most my life. I still need it. Well, “need” is a strong word, I guess. I “desire” it. I “want” it.
Until it returns, the sun, I sit riding the bus. My knees are propped up on the seat in front of me and I’m listening, as I said, to Lemon Jelly. It is good.
Right now I am reading “Brave New World” by Aldous Huxley. I’m really enjoying it. I recently finished reading “The Stranger” by Albert Camus and “1984” by George Orwell. Orwell was a student of Huxley. I didn’t realize this until after I started reading it. “1984” is one of my favorite books, even though it is somewhat depressing. “The Stranger” was first introduced to me by the song “Killing an Arab” by the Cure (long live Robert Smith).
“Brave New World” is a fantastic book and I have a hard time believing it was written in 1932. I have an affinity for old science fiction. I’ve also read a story call “The Machine Stops” which is very good. It always amazes me to read stories from such a long time ago that reasonate so strongly with the current times.
Next I plan on reading “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” and then “Lord of the Flies”. But I am considering re-reading “Hiroshima” again. I can’t stop thinking about Japan.