Things

Things are going for the better, I think. I’m just waiting for, well, I have no idea what I am waiting for. I’m just plugging through my day, being irresponsible and hoping for the best.
I don’t know whether to feel giddy or nervous. I enjoy change, for the most part, but I also dislike it. It might just be my current state of mind which encourages me to feel dislike. I don’t really know.
Waiting…

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My Future

I feel totally out of sorts. I’m not sure if I’m coming or going. I have ideas about what I want to do, about what is important to me, about what would make me happy, but I’m stuck.
I’d like to write a short story. I’ve been reading a lot lately, at least when I can. I’ve been wanting to write a story for a long time, but I have yet to do it. Maybe the time is now.

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Cherry Blossoms

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Waving on Country Roads

I’m not social. I’m not. I usually don’t adhere to many social conventions when it comes to greeting or getting to know people. Its not something I’d say that I’m proud of. Its not some torch I carry around, waving it and saying “Hey! This is me! Take it or leave it.”

Got to mention this: Someone just got on the bus and asked the bus driver to drive “a little more smoothly.” Seriously.

Anyway, I’ve grown up in the “country” for the most part and have frequented country areas.

Okay, this also: the afore mentioned person just put on their seatbelt. (This bus has seatbelts.) This is funny now.

Anyway, I’ve driven on country roads most of my life, as well as on city streets and freeways. There is the social convention, on country roads, to wave at a passing car or truck going the other direction. You just do. Its like passing someone in the hall; you say “Hi.”
Well, sometimes I forget to wave. You only have a second and once that…

Dang. The person just said “I’d don’t really feel safe. I don’t know who to talk to.”

…once that second is over you can’t go back…

I just got off the bus. Thank God. I almost wanted to yell out as I got off, “You damn well near killed us!” even though it was no such thing. That kind of thing I feel the need to communicate. Go figure.

…you can’t go back. For a second you make eye contact with some person saying “I see you. Hello.” And I, now feeling like some schmuck, just drive on past, hands on the wheel, with a blank look in my eyes.

This bothers me. I don’t want to appear the city slicken jerk who doesn’t know “how we do thangs ’round here.” I’m not. I just was space’n out. That’s all. Come back, old guy in the ’78 Dodge pickup; I’ll wave. Come back.

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Doll

A drawing I did on my iPhone of a doll.

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We’re Nobody’s Puppets

Drawing done on my iPhone of a wooden puppet

I’m sitting with a cup of coffee and wondering what to do. Is there anything to do? What can be done? I’d just like to know. I don’t want to be the subject of other peoples bad decisions. That’s not a realisic wish, I know. The thing that can get to me the most is the feeling like I’m being manipulated. That’s why I don’t watch TV. My anxiety is getting to me. I need a few days in a isolation tank, lead lined.

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W.A.S.P.L.E.G.

This is a drawing I did on my iPhone. It is based on the seven deadly sins: wrath, avarice, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony. All of which spell WASPLEG.

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